Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
