You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
