You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
