my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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