I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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