nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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