I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My pussy is not your playground.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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