Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
