i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
