i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
