I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
