Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
