My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
