is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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