You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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