I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
