Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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