ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
