I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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