you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
