I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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