If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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