You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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