Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
