when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
