My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
