Screwed.edu
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
