I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
