Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
