If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
