tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
