All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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