If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I am spending my child support on dildos
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
