Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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