i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
