Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
