You're completely useless in the revolution.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
