even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
