you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
