His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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