ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
