don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
