I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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