two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
