Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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