He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
