HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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