I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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