highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
