So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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